>> i am a star <<

leave my journal the fuck alone

2006-08-15T03:56:23Z

"A request has been made at

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a href"http://www.livejournal.com/lostinfo.bml">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<blockquote>"A request has been made at <a href"http://www.livejournal.com/lostinfo.bml">http://www.livejournal.com/lostinfo.bml</a> to reset
the password to the LiveJournal.com account associated with this email address.

The account information is:

Username: <lj user="ravensfeather">
Email Address: xxxxxxxx@xxx.com

If you did not make this request, please ignore this email and your password
will not be reset.

Regards,
LiveJournal.com Team

This information was requested on the website from (24.72.173.7)."</blockquote>
Twice. Twice I got this email. <i>Twice</i> this person requested to have my password reset.

What the fuck, alright?

ravensfeather @ 2005-11-09T16:09:00

2005-11-09T21:04:22Z

OMG

LOOK, HERE I AM.

No, just kidding, I'm really not.

:P

ravensfeather @ 2005-06-09T10:41:00

2005-06-09T14:35:45Z

... well.

::looks around::

Hi.

Yep. Just saying hi.

ravensfeather @ 2005-05-03T19:01:00

2005-05-03T23:07:46Z

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.
I'm kind of really bored.

Must mean that I'm kind of really boring. :/

::sigh::

I'm getting a kitten on Friday!! ::dances::
A cute little 6 week old black female little adorable KITTEN!!!

I named her already. Charm.
I'm going to take her everywhere.

?

2005-04-27T00:25:25Z

You know?
I'm highly considering making my journal friends-only.

Not that I feel uncomfortable by newer friends or anything just popping in and asking to be added - that's not the case at all, so please don't think that. See, I *like* new friends, so that's something that's a con to the friends-only thing.. I want people to be able to read a few entries before they're like OMG I LOVE YOU *add*... y'know?

I'ts just something I've been thinking of for the past week or so...
I'm still mulling over it though.

random act of kindness, anyone?

2005-04-26T00:29:08Z

I'm poor. I have exactly $1 on me (Wait, my dad just gave me $20 more for gas money, and dog food. My baby Hennessey only had dry food to eat today. Andyway, you get the idea. I'm not splurging on anything with that measley $20).

I found stuff on ebay that I desire.
Most all of it is just some "Buy It Now" stuff from ebay stores, and the auctions don't end for like 20 days. So you have time. ::wink::
Buy it for me if you love me. ;)
I can give you my address and you can have it shipped directly to me if you DO feel especially loving and actually want to surprise me with one (or more! lol I'm a greedy whore) of the following items:

*The Witches' Almanac 2005-2006 Guide to Lunar Harmony - ends in 25 days
*Aradia: Gospel of the Witches by Charles G. Leland - ends in 26 days
*Large White Mortar & Pestle - ends in 29 days
*Full Contact Magick by Kerr Cuhulain - ends in 27 days
*Simple Athame for Ritual Use - ends in 21 days
*The Circle Within by Dianne Sylvan - ends in 17 days
*Spellcraft, Hexcraft and Witchcraft by Anna Riva - ends in 10 days
*Silvertone Pentacle Altar Piece - ends in 9 days
*Moonrider Pendant - Naked Nymph Riding the Moon - ends in 1 day
*Altar Pentacle - Heavy Weight - Silver Plated - ends in 1 day
*Miniature glass bottles w/cork - ends in 4 days

Okay I think that's enough.

So.... I would love you forever. ::big cheesy hopeful grin::
No, my birthday is not coming up. It's not until November.
Umm.... an excuse to get me something.... Beltane is coming up! Call it a May Day gift??
I'm trying here! lol

How 'bout just 'cause you love me so damn much.

ravensfeather @ 2005-04-25T20:05:00

2005-04-26T00:06:57Z

my uterus hurts.

ravensfeather @ 2005-04-25T19:26:00

2005-04-25T23:28:04Z

Wearing clothes right out of the dryer is better than sex.

ravensfeather @ 2005-04-25T14:34:00

2005-04-25T18:46:25Z

Yay! I finally got to meet paganmaiden!!! She's the best. ::kisses::
Ooo... and she let me borrow a book that I'm soaking up.. The Witches' Goddess by Janet & Stewart Farrar... YAY!!

Yeah I'm working on connecting with the Goddess.. after having lived Christianity for so long, I figured it would be nice to become acquainted with Her... since in Christianity there was absolutely NO emphasis on ANYTHING feminine... (well, except the church was the "Bride of Christ".. but that's about it. Unless you're Catholic, which I wasn't.)

So yeah. Reading that book right now.

And........ it's nicer out today. It was blizzarding the past 2 days, and now it's bright & shiny out, and there's little bits of ice sitting in the middle of a yard full of green green grass. That's Michigan for ya.

::sigh::
I'm kind of bored.

ravensfeather @ 2005-04-20T18:28:00

2005-04-20T22:35:56Z

holy hell
I just joined a shitload of communities.
I was bored.
And I'm a chronic-lurker... I just like to read stuff and learn.
If I have a question, I usually find the answer myself - much more rewarding. Not to mention I learn a shitload of other stuff trying to find the answer. The sad thing is that I can get rather distracted as well. Go off on something completely different that what I was orignally curious about.

Yay for comunities.

Dear Humanity:

QUIT IT.

Assholes.
-God

my, my.. the only constant is change

2005-04-20T21:19:12Z

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

</td>

Paganism

96%

Hinduism

79%

Buddhism

71%

Christianity

42%

Satanism

38%

Judaism

29%

Islam

29%

atheism

25%

agnosticism

25%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

ravensfeather @ 2005-04-12T20:05:00

2005-04-13T00:07:35Z

Boundaries don't keep others out --
they fence you in.

You can waste your life drawing lines,
or you can live your life crossing them.

--unknown

first photoshoot // highway head

2005-04-11T23:47:38Z

So I had my first photo shoot yesterday.

I was standing on a broken railroad crossing pole (the red and white striped wooden bars were missing -- you know, the ones that come down in front of your car to stop you from running into the train..) by these abandoned buildings down this dirt road, and this car come driving down... reeeeeaaallll sloooooow like.
Then this girl's head pops up out of the driver's lap.

From my vantage point, I can see everything.
He didn't even bother putting it away, man!
Like he was driving by that slow JUST so we would see it!

5 minutes later, HE DROVE BY AGAIN.
But her head stayed down this time.

septum and my mother's breakdown

2005-04-09T21:47:24Z

Friday I went over to my mom's house so she could fix a pair of pants for me.
I got over there, a little rushed since she told my to be there by 1pm, and it was 1:10pm.
I only had one eyebrow on.
They take a while to get even.

So she gets to work on my pants, and I'm playing with Daniel, my cute little 9-yr-old brother.
He lost another tooth! It's adorable the way he sticks his tongue through the hole.
He was telling me about and how he's battling the Elite Four on whatever version of Pokemon Game BOy has put out this month.
Mom doesn't really say anything the whole time. Seems really sullen, very prre-occupied with her own thoughts.

I finally leave Daniel to his own devices and wander over in front of my mom, who is sitting on the couch.
I ask her what's wrong.

I had no clue this was coming.

It's my septum.
With my septum pierced, it literally pains, it fucking pains my own goddamn mother to look at me.
She can't stand it. She thinks it takes away from my face so much. Doesn't understand how I could possibly want something hanging out of my nose like that.

Of course, by now she's crying.

It's just so ugly (with so much disgust in her voice).
I can't even look at you.

And here's the kicker: Getting my septum pierced is the 2nd most disappointing thing I've ever done. Ever. Second only to 'sleeping around'.

I was not prepared for that.
I'm a very emotional being, and normally if I see my mother this upset, I want to comfort her and usually end up crying with her.
But I fucking felt nothing.
I stood there, watching her break down because of a ring in my face, and was completely baffled.

I listened to everything she had to say. Patiently. Respectfully.
Then, I said that she's entitled to her opinion.
I hugged her, told her I loved her, said bye to Daniel, grabbed my pants and fucking ran out of that house.

I've decided I'm not going to see her again.
Talking on the phone is one thing, that's okay. She doesn't have to think of the 'shit in my face' if it's just us on the phone.

I've also decided that there are definitely some things I can't fucking tell her. Ever.

For instance, she's been bugging me recently to go to church with her.
I have absolutely no desire to go to church, because I'm not exactly a perfect little brainwashed Christian anymore. But I've been obediantly playing the part around her and the rest of my family, because I know that they wouldn't be able to handle that.
Michael keeps trying to get me to just tell her that I'm not Christian, and that she'll understand.
I tell him he's a fucking loon. If I told her that, it'd out her in anguish for years. Not joking. My spiritual preference is just not something she will 'grow to accept'...

Every time I'd see her, I would get the 'I'm so disappointed in you, Krystal Ann' lecture, or a 'Where's the good little Christian girl that I used to have?' sob speech. I'm not going to put up with that shit every time I see my damn mother. I'd definitely rather fake it around her than tell her the truth and have to deal with shit like that.

As far as bisexuality or my dragon side... those are also subjects that shall never ever ever be made known to the dear sweet mother. She does not have the ability to comprehend those things. She's so close-minded that... god, it's crazy I can't even begin to describe her close-mindedness (not to mention the rest of my family!)

As much as I hate being fake around her, it's truly better this way for the both of us.

But apparently, now looking at me causes her pain. So I think I just won't be around her at all.

New pics

2005-04-08T19:50:39Z

Yay.

septum // garden // bike

2005-04-06T22:43:52Z

Hey, look.. I'm updating.. Weeee....

Yeah. This isn't really exciting, y'know?

I got my septum pierced.
Stepdad won't look at me.
Mom won't shutup about it.

Glad I don't live with them.

Michael likes it - which is good, since he thought is was going to be horrible on me. But he admitted it looks fine.

Um, I did wax my eyebrows off. Looks so frickin' strange with no eyebrows. Drawing thme on is a bit time-consuming but fun overall. Not to mention incredibly sexy on me. Good for me.

The sun was out yesterday.
So was I.
We had a fight.
He won.
My back is burned.

Gave the dog a bath yesterday. He's afraid of the hose. He's such a coward. But he's an adorable coward.
Somehow I get the impression that he'd really like to play in water... like in a mini swimming pool, or in the lake. I think he'd have a blast in water... but he doesn't really care for being sprayed with a hose. ::shrugs::

Michael and I are starting a garden of sorts. Food garden. Beans, tomatoes, pumpkins, etc. I picked out some herbs to grow as well. We also got some flowers to grow out front and in the random assortment of pots we have.

I'm trying to get a bike. What I want is a Suzuki GSX-R 600. However, I can't afford one. And my parents aren't supporting me in that decision. My dad thinks I should get an old used bike for some reason. They're harping on me about resale value.
I don't fucking care.
I'm not buying a bike to resell it in a few years. I'm buying it because I fucking want it and plan on keeping it until it falls apart. Didn't get bitched at this much when I got a car... no worries about resale value with that, noooo...

But Michael offered a deal that my dad is still thinking about. Michael still has 2 bikes in Hawaii - a '99 Kawasaki Ninja 500, and an '86 Harley Sportster 883. If my dad will ship them from Hawaii back to Michigan, which will cost roughly $1500, then Michael will GIVE me the Ninja. Of course, I'd be paying my dad back, and that's fine. I can't get a loan from anywhere because I have NO CREDIT WHATSOEVER... so I'm forced to rely on other methods. Mainly, my dad.
Good thing we get along so wel.l ::chokes on sarcasm::

Yeah... I finally got all my W2's back, so now I can file my taxes. Yay. I need money.

I'm bored.

eyebrows

2005-03-28T23:16:03Z

I've wanted to for a while.

I'm gonna shave my eyebrows!
Actually, I'm going to have them waxed. Yeah. I don't really feel comfortable shaving my face, thank you. And waxing, I just like more. I hate plucking. I don't think I could pluck all my fricking eyebrows off.
But waxing works well.

I haven't prepared at all for it... gonna go to the mall and have them waxed ($8), then to Meijer to buy liner shit... all diff colors and whatnot, diff brands to experiment with. I have some extra cash. Usually I'd just steal that stupid makeup from Meijer, but I didn't dress for it. If that made any sense.

So... I'm excited! And I'll post pics later.

Oh... it'll prolly be *much* later... cuz right now I kinda have a black eye. My dog jumped on my face and clawed the shit outta it. Hurt like a bitch and I cried like one, too.
But it was a total accident, so I didn't kill him. Much.

But it looks like I've been punched in the face, like fucking spousal abuse or something.
Then, when viewed with the huge hickey on my neck... it's a really horrible combination.

Yeah.

I think I'm also going to buy a corset today.
Or at least look at one longingly.

Michigan Gem and Mineral Society Show!

2005-03-20T01:16:29Z

I went to a Gem/Mineral show today and spent money.

I took pics of what I bought to share with ya'll. ^_^

Hey dragonsurge!! I bought this for you!
It really reminded me of you.. (which is strange, considering we've never met or anything, but it just struck me immediately as "BUY THIS FOR AMBER!" so I did).. it's kind of a bad picture of the necklace, looks much better in person.
Email me krystallis@gmail.com and tell me where to send it?

Okay, there's some tiger eye stuff that I bought for the Michael cuz he really likes it.
And the next is a piece of fluorite... it's pretty. Looks black, but really it's a darkdarkdark purple. ^_^ Me's happy.

Green calcite, yellow calcite (2 pics of same piece)
We're going to put them in with our snakes. God, it's the smoothest rock! And the yellow calcite (which really looks quite orange) exactly matches the colors of our albino burmese python... so we got the hunk of rock for the snake.

Kyanite... a big pretty black piece!! And I didn't get the blue piece at the gem show - I've had it for quite some time. I carry it 'round in my pocket always. 'Tis pretty.

Mmmm... more fluorite. But it's more blatantly purple than the other piece up there. ^_^ It's so sparkly!! *clutches*
And then there's the pyrite sun. The picture doesn't do it justice at all... it's soooo sparkly when you move it 'round in the light. Looks all gold (it's frickin' pyrite - duh) and shimmery. Michael really wanted it, so I bought it for him.

Okay, the one on the left is coral. All shiny and smooth and polished and stuff. It was $46. I stole it.
The piece on the right is blue lace agate. I forget how much that was (prolly a couple bucks). It was pocketed, too.
There was this little display of jade. These really small, guitar pick sized pieces were $24!! I really really wanted to pocket one or two, but it was at such an awkward spot that I didn't feel concealed enough. I really really wanted a piece of jade. And I really had no clue why. Never had a piece before, don't know anything about it, but it (don't laugh) called to me. And then I read the metaphysical properties of it... and I was like.. "Ooooohh.... That's why it called to me! I need it!!"
But I didn't get it. ::tear:: So sad.

This box is made out of polished camel bones. Yes, camel bones. Outside/inside pics (ignore the stones for the inside pic).

A prettyful stone thunderbird box. Inside, there's a piece of obsidian (paid for, only $.25) and Amber's necklace (no, the box does NOT come with the necklace!! lol ::wink::).

And I bought this awesome amazing book - reference book describing the metaphysical properties of the mineral kingdom. You can't tell from the pic, but it's 726 fricking pages! It's so thick and extensive and complete... So yay. Reference fun for me.

I also purchased a quartz crystal mini-cluster thing, and a piece of celestite - but the pics didn't come out very well. Michael's digital camera sucks.

We had fun today and got broke. ^_^
Always good.

un-friended?

2005-03-17T02:26:00Z

This is insane.

The prolife community just unfriended me.
That's kind of rude.

Holy shit they think I'm a troll.
Someone asked why I would post in a pro-life group if my user info says I'm pro-choice. And all the sudden I'm banned.

I explained it in my original post to the community!!

I PERSONALLY am pro-life. I would never have an abortion.
But GENERALLY I say I am pro-choice. Why? Because I don't believe it is fair to take that choice away from other people, just because of my personal beliefs, and what I would or would not do.

For instance, I don't think it's right to force my religion on anyone else. I'll believe in what I choose, but I'm not going to force it on anyone else. Believe what you want.
Similarly, I don't think abortion is right, but I'm not going to stop others from doing it. I think it should be safe and legal for those that choose to have it, so they don't go to other extremes if it was illegal. They'd still have one if they wanted one, even if it was illegal. Just personally, I would never have one.

God, I can't believe they just did that.

Check out the thread.

I tried to respond to filthy_lily, but came to an error saying only friends are allowed to post to this journal, and I am NOT listed in prolife's friends.
That's some wicked shit to pull, especially when I came to you for help and understanding, when I was freaking out and really worried. Then to just ban me? You must be super-paranoid. I AM pro-life, I'm just not going to force that on anyone else. Therefore I say I'm pro-choice, because I think it should be available for others if they want. I don't want to take away someone else's choice, though I myself would never end a pregnancy, or encourage someone else to end one. But I believe that option should be safely available for those that do, sadly, choose to go down that road.

::sigh::
If there is ONE thing that sets me off, it's being falsely accused. Jesus, ask Michael - he's done it plenty of times, lol. I cannot stand being falsely accused. Especailly when I KNOW I did nothing wrong. That is my biggest pet-peeve.

And I'd like to thank all the people that are still responding with the information that I requested, but I CAN'T.
But if you're one of those people and you end up here, thank you, I greatly appreciate your efforts.

And to whoever kicked me out of the community, I have a righteous anger with you.
An apology would be appreciated, along with a reason for your actions.

Thoughts on Michael

2005-03-17T00:01:31Z

Love. Is. A. Bitch.

After dating Michael for this long, I have a much better understanding of what I want in a guy.
It's not him.

He's fun to be with, and the sex rocks, and we generally have a good time together, but I really don't see us growing old together. Instead, I see us eventually killing each other.

But I love him. And I am in love with him.

Doesn't that suck?!
I love this guy that I cannot see myself being with forever. He doesn't fit what I want, but I still love him. And it will hurt, oh how it will hurt, for me to leave him. Even when I realize that he's not what I want. It will still hurt.

Love. Is. A. Bitch.

And it seems we're going separate ways, heading different directions.
Instead of moving to Portland, he will be backpacking through Europe for 2-3 months. Starting in April or May.

I am applying to PNCA in Portland. I will go whether or not he goes along.
And it will take some time for him to save up money after going to Europe to move to Portland. So who knows where he'll be when I go to Portland.

I will not do a long-distance relationship. I can't handle that.

I brought all this (excluding how love's a bitch) up to him last night. I asked him what will happen in the next 6 months. Will we even be together? Because if we're just eventually going to go our separate ways, I'd rather make the split now instead of later.

He said don't worry about later. Just live here and now, and enjoy it, whether or not it is going to last. We'll cross that bridge when we have to.

I think he just wants easy sex until then.

ravensfeather @ 2005-03-04T20:25:00

2005-03-05T01:38:31Z

to take my mind off everything, i wandered through my friends list.
found interesting memes in a recent post from belenen

cute little haikus, made from posts in your journal.

[[doesn't work so well if your journal is friends-only]]

ravensfeather @ 2005-03-04T19:51:00

2005-03-05T00:51:47Z

So Michael got fired yesterday. Fun times.

On a slightly different note, I nearly left him last night.

I'd been crying all day... I'm just not convinced that we're working out okay. I can't quite put my finger on it, but our relationship just doesn't seem... solid? real? like it will last? Which is surprising since it has lasted for so long.

We're in bed last night, and I have to ask him, because I've been thinking too much all day and my head was gonna 'splode....

Krys: Michael... do you love me?
Michael: Sometimes.
Krys: I'm being serious.
Michael: So am I.
Krys: (starting to cry... for the millionth time that day) What??? You love me 'sometimes'??
Michael: When you're not being an asshole.
Krys: (long pause, a few sobs) Michael, you love somebody all the time - you might not like them at certain points, but you always love them.
Michael: (pause. In a 'whatever' tone, very insincere) Yeah, I guess so.

Nothing ever goes how I expect it to go with him. I prepare these long speeches in my head, thinking I'll know how he'll answer, so one thing will lead to the next, then I can make my point. But 'sometimes' just threw the whole thing off.

Completely jerked the rug out from under me, and sent me sprawling on the floor.

Krys: (still sobbing gently) If you don't love me all the time, then this [our relationship] obviously isn't what I thought it was.
[long pause]
Is your answer still the same? You love me 'sometimes'?
Michael: Yes.

I laid there for 15 minutes, at least, crying.. shaking... trying to work up the courage to get up out of that bed and leave.

That was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done.
Because as much as I wanted to leave, I also wanted to stay.

Why do I want to keep fooling myself? Why do I want to stay wrapped in this dark, suffocating blanket of naivete? Do I really want it to work out between us that much?

He says he hates me and calls me an asshole more than he's ever said that he loves me.

That kind of stuff can leave a girl just a little bit insecure.
Not to mention self-loathing, depressed, stressed out, and with many a headache from too many thoughts.

No wonder I've been so wacked-out lately. So unpleasnt to be around. So grumpy. So argumentative. So many of all the things that he hates about me. So many of the things that have nearly caused our break-up, so many times.

He may love me (sometimes, apparently), but he's not in love with me. And that really kills.
I need him to be in love with me. I need him to be heartbroken if I couldn't move to Oregon with him. I need him to love me as much as I love him.
Do I not deserve that? Am I not worth that?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why can't I have the things I desperately need?
I'm slowly crumbling on the inside, falling apart. Because of him.

It doesn't seem to bother him one way or the other if we were to break up. He says he'd miss me, sure, and he loves me, but girls come and go, so it's not something he's going to get all upset about.

WHAT?!?!?
COME ON, MAN!

If it doesn’t fucking BREAK your HEART to think of us not together…. Then I’m not so sure that this is worth it. I don’t think I can hold out much longer, just waiting for you to fall head over heels in love with me. Because I need that.

So I asked him today what his take on dating is. I asked him why he dates people. What the purpose is.

"I don't know."

So he's dating me, and he doesn't exactly know why. I have no purpose in his book. I'm just here, because 20 days out of the month, he likes to hang out with me and we have a good time. The other 10 days, apparently I'm just a "fucking asshole" that he can't stand.

I can't help but feel this is going nowhere.

random bits of useless knowledge // a few quotes

2005-03-02T22:33:32Z

- Many people with dyslexia have a family history of ambidexterity or left-handedness.

- The first TV commercial: a Bulova watch ticking on screen for exactly 60 seconds.

- Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.

- The 'secret' of true free-range is in the design of the poultry house which must deliberately discourage chikens from staying long inside.

- In 1950, approximately 80% of chickens were free-range. By 1980 only 1% were free-range. Today it is back up to 12%.

- Holland has the tallest population in Europe.

- In Holland, you can be fined for not using a shopping basket at a grocery store.

- The cat, the giraffe, and the camel are the only animals that walk by moving both their left feet, then both their right feet.

- Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine, about 26 cycles per second.

- In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

- The word 'religion' derives from the Latin word 'religare,' meaning to join or link, and is classically understood to mean the linking of human and divine.

- All religions are linked in that they all require faith, and all seek to organize and guide the beliefs and actions of their followers.

And now for some quotes I've come across...

"In the world I see, you're stalking elk through the damp canyon forest around the ruins of the Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty carpool lane of some abandoned superhighway."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"We have not inherited the earth from our fathers,
we are borrowing it from our children."
-Native American saying

"Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
-W. B. Yeats, from 'He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven'

"There are three kinds of people:
those who make things happen,
those who watch things happen,
and those who wonder, 'What happened?'"
-unknown

"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because f the expression it leaves on my face."
-Johnny Depp

"We are standing in the storm of our own being."
-Michael Ventura

"If you keep your mind sufficiently open,
people will throw a lot of rubbish into it."
-William A. Orton

"You only see the tree by the light of the lamp.
I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree."
-G. K. Chesterton, from The Man Who Was Thursday

Good vs. Evil / religious freedom rant / good-evil ramblings

2005-02-28T21:06:18Z

Was just reading through a thread on some google group... about Good vs. Evil.
Finding it quite interesting. Here's a lil bit of the converstaion:

> However, I still ask, is their a genuine evil force in the universe?

That's not something I need to know. If there is a "genuine evil force"
out there, causing all the evil in people, it's not something that I can
find and fix. The only level on which I can deal with evil is as it
manifests itself in the world. Speculation about a "genuine evil force"
is an intellectual exercise without practical usefulness.

And someone else responded to that response...

Well, if one views the Gods as manifestations of Nature and archetypes then yes,
there is a "genuine evil God" eg Satan.
But it does not 'cause' evil on a uniform global scale. While it might have
influence in Xian nations and ones that are into that mythology it will have
little effect on (say) the Chinese. And since it seems that nonXian peoples
commit just as much 'evil' as Xian ones I would suggest that Satan is not a
major driving force in the world.

Another comment:

My personal opinion is that "evil" people are just troubled, or broken
in some way. Serial killers are broken in that their conscience doesn't
work. Deep down at the soul level, all people are good. It's just that
life is all about struggling to find and listen to that inner goodness
and working out problems along the way.

Excerpt from a novel I'm writing:
"...even ‘bad’ people are just people; they’re just people working out
problems like anyone else - they just have more problems, or are less
experienced at coping with them. No one is truly evil, no matter how
hard they try."

No one does anything that they themselves consider evil, unless
they've gone insane. And even then, it's hard to prove if they *really*
think it evil or not.

Or, as Quark from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine said, "No one involved in
extra-legal business considers themselves nefarious. They're just
businessmen providing a service."
....or people doing what they feel is necessary. Hitler, as evil as he
was, did not see himself as being evil: he saw the Jews and other lesser
races as evil, and saw himself as the good guy who was exterminating the
evil.

A response to that:

I don't agree with you one this. Many people involved in deviant
behaviour, such as pedophiles, know that it is wrong, and that their
'victim' is not consentual, and that it's a power thing, BUT they give in
to their urges, rather than show self-control.

What about lying? The lier knows they are lying; they don't want to admit
it. They want to cover up, or pretend they are someone they are not.
unless they are mentally ill and delusional, they KNOW what they are
doing, and that they made that choice, no matter how it affects others.
Some folks feel entitlement, even though they know they are behaving badly.

Another comment:

> As for "evil" that wants to cause suffering and death... any being like
> that is just broken. Reading about serial killers, you'll see they were
> all abused or suffered some terrible trauma in their life. Which, in my
> opinion, broke them so they're no longer normal.

Having a bad trauma in one's life doesn't let one off the hook for really
bad behaviour. Plenty of people overcome nasty experiences and don't do
bad things to others. You choose to be a victim or a survivor, IMO.

I also think that people should be held accountable for their actions, no
matter whether they have suffered terrible trauma. You make choices; you
live with the consequences. If not in this life, then beyond, IMO.

Anyway.... all of it has really got me thinking. (about good and evil, but apparently I'm ranting about religious and spiritual freedom... *shrugs* I'm easily distracted.)

I was quasi-raised Christian, then around age 15 I *really* got into it because of the people I was hanging out with (Josh and the other Leslians). Then I started "struggling" with Paganism (ie the devil was tempting me with it to pull me away from the 'one true God', etc, etc). And now I've completely abandoned Christianity. My whole system of ideas has radically changed, and it's like I'm at the other end of the spectrum.

Before, I was very republican, and the Christian in me adored Bush for being so in-your-face with his Christian faith, etc, etc. But at the same time I was thinking that I didn't like him for doing that because it was offending so many people. Just because that was his religion didn't mean the whole of America followed it as well. And that just wasn't cool to me. He's completely excluding tons of different groups of people.

I hate how it's widely thought that Christianity is the only religion in America - prayers before sporting events (to who? duh, the Christian God only... like he's going to make your team win), "Religious Release" in school (but it's not "religious" release, it's "We're going to learn about Jesus at the local church" release), putting the 10 Commandments up in schools (despite separation of church & state, and not putting any *other* religion's eqivalent up). Even the nation's motto.. 'In God We Trust'... pisses me off. Sure, people were coming to the new world to be able to practice their religion freely without being persecuted... so why is it that we're not continuing the theme that our nation was founded on?!?! Religious/Spiritual freedom!

Salem witch trials. 1692. This was before we'd even won our independence and become our own nation! It started way back then, and it's just continuing! America is a joke. That idea of freedom sure didn't last very long. At least, not for non-Christians.
"Sure, let's go to a new land so we can practice *our* religion freely, but fuck anyone else who thinks different than us! Look! A witch! She's in the grasp of the devil! (Which she doesn't even believe in!) Kill her! Purge the wicked from among us!"

Anything that wasn't Christian was wicked. Ha. It's sickening! How can I believe something like that? How can I live someplace like this?

But at the same time, America probably has the most religious freedom of anywhere else in the world (that statement is highly uneducated, having been nowhere else myself - just going off what others have said). People still come here from other countries for religious purposes, and we welcome them - but we have our nation's leader spouting biblical verses every chance he gets.... it just boggles my mind how there isn't some law against that sort of thing. How the hell did he get re-elected?

Oh, good vs. evil, yes, I remember. That whole conversation has made me wonder what I think of that.
Are we born one way or the other?
Or are good and evil... just perceptions? Something a Christian says is 'evil' (oh let's say sex out of wedlock) could be viewed as perfectly fine by someone else. It changes from person to person. So is it that way with all 'evils'? Killing another person. Generally percieved as bad. But say you're killing Hitler. Then it's good? Because he had done 'bad' things? He didn't think he was doing bad. He was convinced he was doing the world a favor by exterminating the Jews.

I guess it all depends on the reasoning behind 'good' or 'evil' actions... motives. If you're doing it specifically to cause harm or pain to another person, then it could be labeled as 'evil'. But at the same time, we could be trying to do something 'good' and still end up harming someone in the process.

My gosh, it's a never-fucking-ending cycle, itsn't it?

I think I've exhausted my brain. I had much more to say on the subject, but that last bit there just threw me over the edge and my brain went *sizzle*....

But your comments and discussion
are more than welcome and definitely encouraged.

Love and kisses,
Krystallis

ravensfeather @ 2005-02-24T18:55:00

2005-02-25T00:04:10Z

I have such an amazing headache....
Feel like head's gonna 'splode.
=(
Owwwwwwieeeeee.....

Just wanna go home and curl up with boyfriend and sleep.

But I'm going to my mom's house instead. For two hours.
And with this intense pain trying to claw its way through my skull, I'll be a bit on edge, and things may get ugly.
*sigh*

I want boyfriend hugs and cuddles.
They make head-hurt go 'way.

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