Friday I went over to my mom's house so she could fix a pair of pants for me.
I got over there, a little rushed since she told my to be there by 1pm, and it was 1:10pm.
I only had one eyebrow on.
They take a while to get even.
So she gets to work on my pants, and I'm playing with Daniel, my cute little 9-yr-old brother.
He lost another tooth! It's adorable the way he sticks his tongue through the hole.
He was telling me about and how he's battling the Elite Four on whatever version of Pokemon Game BOy has put out this month.
Mom doesn't really say anything the whole time. Seems really sullen, very prre-occupied with her own thoughts.
I finally leave Daniel to his own devices and wander over in front of my mom, who is sitting on the couch.
I ask her what's wrong.
I had no clue this was coming.
It's my septum.
With my septum pierced, it literally pains, it fucking
pains my own goddamn mother to look at me.
She can't stand it. She thinks it takes away from my face so much. Doesn't understand how I could possibly want something hanging out of my nose like that.
Of course, by now she's crying.
It's just so
ugly (with so much disgust in her voice).
I can't even look at you.
And here's the kicker: Getting my septum pierced is the
2nd most disappointing thing I've
ever done. Ever. Second only to 'sleeping around'.
I was not prepared for that.
I'm a very emotional being, and normally if I see my mother this upset, I want to comfort her and usually end up crying with her.
But I fucking felt
nothing.
I stood there, watching her break down because of a ring in my face, and was completely baffled.
I listened to everything she had to say. Patiently. Respectfully.
Then, I said that she's entitled to her opinion.
I hugged her, told her I loved her, said bye to Daniel, grabbed my pants and fucking ran out of that house.
I've decided I'm not going to see her again.
Talking on the phone is one thing, that's okay. She doesn't have to think of the 'shit in my face' if it's just us on the phone.
I've also decided that there are
definitely some things I can't fucking tell her.
Ever.
For instance, she's been bugging me recently to go to church with her.
I have absolutely no desire to go to church, because I'm not exactly a perfect little brainwashed Christian anymore. But I've been obediantly playing the part around her and the rest of my family, because I know that they wouldn't be able to handle that.
Michael keeps trying to get me to just
tell her that I'm not Christian, and that she'll understand.
I tell him he's a fucking loon. If I told her that, it'd out her in anguish for
years. Not joking. My spiritual preference is just not something she will 'grow to accept'...
Every time I'd see her, I would get the 'I'm so disappointed in you, Krystal Ann' lecture, or a 'Where's the good little Christian girl that I used to have?' sob speech. I'm not going to put up with that shit every time I see my damn mother. I'd definitely rather fake it around her than tell her the truth and have to deal with shit like that.
As far as bisexuality or my dragon side... those are also subjects that shall never ever ever be made known to the dear sweet mother. She does not have the ability to comprehend those things. She's so close-minded that... god, it's crazy I can't even begin to describe her close-mindedness (not to mention the rest of my family!)
As much as I hate being fake around her, it's truly better this way for the both of us.
But apparently, now looking at me causes her pain. So I think I just won't be around her at all.
I am: 
depressed
I hear: "Beauty From Pain" -- Superchic[k]
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